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Hip and Thigh: Smiting Theological Philistines with a Great Slaughter. Judges 15:8

Monday, May 02, 2011

Bin Laden Surprised to Wake up in Jack Chick Nightmare

AP - Osama bin Laden, mastermind behind the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks in New York City and Washington D.C., was surprised to wake up in a horrible Jack Chick-like nightmare moments after he was shot dead this past week.

Eagerly anticipating being welcomed by the open arms of 72 ready and willing virginal concubines, bin Laden was instead roughly grab by two gigantic angelic beings, stripped totally naked, and then forcibly brought before the white throne of a massive, glowing outline of Jesus Christ.


"What is this!!, where are my endless figs and eternal virgins chained to couches!? Where is the prophet(pbuh)?!" shouted a defiant bin Laden, as a large movie screen was lowered from a radiant cloud and replayed all of the intimate, personal details from his life. From his birth to his ultimate demise, everything was laid out clearly before a countless throng of witnesses.


There was also a moment of tension when bin Laden attempted to rush up to the throne and attack the Lord of Glory, only to be thrown backwards when Jesus declared, "Depart from me!"

Sentencing came quickly and an angry bin Laden hurled curses and shook his fist as the two angels dragged him away and tossed him into a lake of fire.


No word if bin Laden will attempt an appeal.

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6 Comments:

Blogger RealityCheck said...

Of course I’m happy to hear that bin Laden's luck finally ran out and, as always, I’m very proud of our military. I’d be lying though if I didn’t say that the fact that it happened on Obama’s watch makes it bittersweet.

12:36 AM, May 02, 2011  
Blogger Escovado said...

Meh. I don't care who was at the helm when Been Hiden' was liquidated. I'm just glad Obama did the right thing when the opportunity presented itself. It's no secret I can't stand Obama, but I wasn't crazy about George W. Bush either.

11:24 AM, May 02, 2011  
Blogger Bill Honsberger said...

Of course the Rob Bell version has Bin Laden, like Fagan, reconsidering the situation and choosing to take the broad road to glory.
Because of course, Osama's good heart was inclined that way in the first place and he just hadn't realized he was already saved yet...
blech - even my very high satire meter busted over the top on that one.

1:45 PM, May 02, 2011  
Blogger Eddie Eddings said...

I wouldn't be surprised if Jack Chick actually made a new tract with OBL as the main character. I wouldn't mind reading it myself!

11:10 AM, May 03, 2011  
Blogger Ransom said...

Sentencing came quickly and an angry bin Laden hurled curses and shook his fist as the two angels dragged him away and tossed him into a lake of fire.

"YAAAAAAAAA!!" he cried, as he plummeted.

9:37 AM, May 04, 2011  
Blogger markshriv said...

Bib Laden had nothing to do with 9/11. He was/is an Israeli Jew.

2:48 PM, May 17, 2011  

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