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Hip and Thigh: Smiting Theological Philistines with a Great Slaughter. Judges 15:8

Monday, January 26, 2009

...and a sensible meal

Men's Health is one of those vanity magazines that is advertised as talking about men's health, but in reality promotes personal narcissism, the worship of an unrealistic body image, and sex tips for guys. It's sort of a male bimbo equivalent to Redbook. Or should I say "him"bo?

At any rate, they list the top 20 worst possible foods any person could eat, let alone a chiseled cut, sinewy looking dude who is taking a break from his daily workout routine.

What I found amusing is how the list carries on as if the same people eat this type of food everyday. I don't know, maybe there are some who do, but take what is listed as the worst food in America, Outback Steakhouse's Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing. It weighs in at a whopping 2,900 calories! Even if you split this between 3 friends, declares the author, you are still eating a meal's worth of calories! Good grief. I maybe eat Aussie Cheese Fries or some other similar appetizer maybe once a year if that, and when I do, I take a handful, because I am sharing it with a large group of people. Sure, perhaps there are guys downing an entire plate of Aussie Cheese Fries, but they usually have other personal issues needing to be addressed along with their diet.

There are many ridiculous examples like that one.

The Carl's Jr. Double Six Dollar Burger is supposedly 1,500 calories. But what normal person insists on eating a giant double cheese burger? An 18 year old high school linebacker who will run the calories off in the afternoon practice? When I eat at Carl's, which is probably once every other month, and I happen to be hankering for a 6 dollar burger, I get the single patty. Just removing the one patty and slice of cheese will reduce this thing 600 or more calories.

Even more amusing is the substitution they suggest for the 6 dollar burger: The low carb 6 dollar burger. For those who are deprived of Carl's Jr. restaurant in your community, the low carb burger is a meat patty wrapped in lettuce.

It tastes like crud.

P.F. Chang's is another place mentioned on the list. Their Pork Lo Mein entree has 1800 plus calories. What the list doesn't tell you, however, is that the Pork Lo Mein is probably 18 bucks a pop and the meal could serve 3 people! When I have the honor of eating at P.F. Chang's, which in this case is maybe once every 4 years or more, my wife and I attend with a group of folks who order 3 or 4 main dishes which we share with each other and in many instances there have been left overs.

In honor of this list, I need to treat myself to a Worst Food's day. (If my wife will let me).

I will begin breakfast with a stack of Bob Evan's Caramel Banana Pecan Cream Stacked and Stuffed Hotcakes. Containing 1540 calories.

Then for lunch I will stop by Quizno's for a large Classic Italian sub containing 1510 calories.

Take an afternoon nap...

And then for dinner, pay a visit to Macaroni Grill for Spaghetti and Meatballs with Meat Sauce coming in at 2430 calories.

And if I have room for dessert, I will walk across the parking lot to Chili's for their Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream which is 1600 calories.

Total, that would be 7,080 calories just for the one day.

Of course, I can always go for a long walk in the morning.

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4 Comments:

Blogger Daniel said...

That "morning walk" needs to be about 17 hours long, and at about 3 mph, at least to burn off the requisite 4900 calories.

I suggest you wear very, very comfortable (and breathable) shoes.

11:45 AM, January 26, 2009  
Blogger Readmore said...

So, you don't plan on renewing your subscription, then?

6:00 PM, January 26, 2009  
Blogger P.D. Nelson said...

Personally I would have gone for the 20 oz T-Bone steak myself over the spaghetti and meatballs.

9:08 PM, January 27, 2009  
Blogger Mike-e said...

If you go organic, you can eat all of this stuff. The problem is not so much in the calories as much as it is with the artificial preservatives. Walk into Whole Foods and you will be shocked as to the weight difference from those who shop at normal grocery stores. And its not like Whole Foods doesn't have desserts! Maybe I should do a study on this!

10:40 AM, January 31, 2009  

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