Hip and Thigh: Smiting Theological Philistines with a Great Slaughter. Judges 15:8

Monday, December 22, 2008

Just in Time for Christmas

Need some holiday gift ideas,

In a continuing effort for evangelicals to mimic the world let me introduce you to...

God's Girlz (make sure to roll that 'r' sound)

Yep, nothing says God's love more than modest, yet fashionable dolls packed with meaningful content, like, "I really love Jesus!"

One of my personal favorites,

It's a Jesus Mii from Wii. You know, the video game. Get it? Hii saved me?
I think it looks more like Travis Tritt, but that's just mii.

Now, for the loved one in your life who is an obsessive compulsive control freak, check out the following items,

A banana protector case. It keeps the banana perfect. No one else touches it with their hands, it doesn't touch anything else on the table or in the fridge. Prevents bruising for the perfect banana eating experience.

It's a butter cutter. Put in a stick of butter and it is cut evenly into perfect little squares, and so that you know you will have perfectly toasted bread,

A see through toaster so you can see how perfect your bread is toasting.

Then, for the hypochondriac obsessive who worries about touching a toilet with bare hands,

Of course your shoes actually touch a part of the toilet, so there will need to be found a way to keep them from being soiled. But, this is also handy for the ladies of the home who have a bad habit of leaving the seats down. It will remind them to put it back up when they are finished.

Then, no longer do you need to waste rolls of wrapping paper attempting to cut the absolutely perfect straight line,

Laser-guided scissors. Now that is genius.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

the toaster is actually pretty cool

8:39 AM, December 22, 2008  
Blogger Jessica said...

I actually like the banana protector case; bananas are easily banged and bruised in lunch bags.

9:24 AM, December 22, 2008  
Blogger ThirstyDavid said...

The question on my mind is, of course, which one are you getting your wife?

4:36 PM, December 22, 2008  
Blogger Ransom said...

The banana keeper keeps the banana perfect, of course, only as long as you have the perfectly curved banana.

And the laser-guided scissors (how do they get the beam to propagate along the page like that, seemingly bending all the laws of optics they taught you in school?) are only useful if you can keep the scissors pointed straight all along. But if you could do that, you wouldn't need laser-guided scissors . . .

5:00 PM, December 22, 2008  

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