Hip and Thigh: Smiting Theological Philistines with a Great Slaughter. Judges 15:8

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

No Fat Santas

I heard this mentioned on Prager earlier this week, but this story originally ran back in May of this year.

Santas told to slim down for Christmas

I guess certain mall managers over in London think a morbidly obese man in a red suit is a terrible example for children. The reasoning is explained like this: Children see Santa as a hero and want to be like him, and a porcine Santa will compel young children to gorge themselves on sugar plums and baked goose so as to emulate his corpulence.

I can testify that though I was excited as a child that Old St. Nick would soon visit my home at Christmas, I did not view him as a roll model, nor did I ever want to model my lifestyle after him. Sure, I was a chubby kid, but my chubbiness related to my lack of self control and remaining inert most of the time. Nothing about Santa drove me to gain 300 pounds and don a bright red suit with slick, black polished, knee high boots and a matching belt with a massive buckle.

Rather than being alarmed that my children will see Santa Claus in the mall and then rush home to consume a 4,000 calorie meal so as to be like him, I am much more concerned with their minds being scandalized by the gigantic, softcore porn posters on display outside the Victoria's Secret and Abercrombie and Fitch stores, not to mention all the other sleazy images in full view throughout the shopping concourse. I much more prefer a jolly, rotuned old man handing out candy.

At any rate, if we are going to make Santa slim down, perhaps we should consider giving him a beard trim and hair cut so he can shed that homeless, Grateful Dead groupie look.

Just a thought.



Blogger P.D. Nelson said...

Hey man didn't you know Jerry Garcia was Santa Claus man.

(tongue firmly planted in cheek)

12:52 PM, November 07, 2007  

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