Hip and Thigh: Smiting Theological Philistines with a Great Slaughter. Judges 15:8

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Suicide Solution

A group calling itself the Optimum Population Trust claims humanity is having way too many babies.

All the extra children are badly ruining the carbon offset of our planet and hence having an impact upon global warming.

The math is simple: More babies = higher CO2 levels = higher global temperatures = more displaced polar bears floating around on itty-bitty icebergs.

The solution to this problem offered by the OPT is for people to stop having babies. If you must have a baby, maybe one is OK; possibly two, but certainly not three.

My family, by the way, has already broken this quota.

The fine folks of the Sea Shepherd Society also believe humanity has become a disease of sorts upon mother earth. Like a raging flesh eating staph infection or an Ebola outbreak, the presence of all these people is causing the earth to break out into a fever.

I must say I believe this is a disturbing ideology, but I see such suicidal tendencies as a logical conclusion to radical, secular atheistic humanism. When a worldview places the material world in higher value over human life so that one is willing to deprive him or herself of the blessing of children, and their own existence, nihilistic atheism has reached its end game. The final step is to ask for volunteers to sacrifice themselves for the earth by committing mass euthanasia. If none are prepared to come forward, and this environmental death cult were to have governmental power, they could always extinguish any extra children by force.

I didn't know environmentalists were so down on kids.

Soylent Green is People!

In truth, an environmentally friendly, child-free world is becoming a reality. This suicidal humanism has already taken firm root in the hearts and minds of Europeans and is slowly doing the job suggested by the Optimum Population Trust. In a society totally abandoned to cradle-to-grave welfare, living carefree lives, working no more than 28 hours a week, attending nude beaches during that paid month long, mandatory vacation, having children around can really cramp your style. Hence, couples are having no more than one child as it is. If the trend continues, Western Europe will have bred itself out within 40 to 50 years. This mindset is here in the good old U.S. of A. as well, particularly in the finger waging from our university elite. So, Americans are slowly coming up from behind and closing in our European kin.

I believe the environmental global warming scare is the secular atheists pagan religious philosophy, but from a materialistic, naturalist perspective rather than a revelatory, supernatural one.

The physical earth is the god worshipped. It is a god that can be proven, because it is a tangible object men can physically witness and test.

Evolution is the religion used to explain this god, how it birthed life and takes care of its creatures. Occasionally, the god acts displeased and displays its fury against the sinful creatures by means of storms, floods, and famine.

However, specific, often self-appointed holy men or prophets, say for example Al Gore, claim to have special knowledge about how the god has been sinned against. The only thing that will appease the god is a sacrifice of some sort. In this case, the appeasement is a radical change in our standard and way of living, including the sacrifice of a the third child if necessary.

But this god is capricious and fickle and certainly unpredictable when it comes to issues of morality. Why should I even obey it in the manner the Optimum evangelists preach? If suicide is the only viable solution to appease this god, I think I will enjoy the love and laughter of my extra kids and take my chances.

By the way, anyone know the connection with the Ozzy album?

I won't think you are worldly if you do.

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Blogger Nathan said...

My family broke the quota, picked it up, slapped it around, threw it to the ground, kicked it, and put a .38 bullet in its head.

Poor quota.

9:05 AM, May 10, 2007  
Blogger elephant said...

Blizzard of Ozz contains the song, "Suicide Solution", which is the title of this post. Good song, great album... oh, and good post too. :-)

11:12 AM, May 10, 2007  
Blogger Fred Butler said...

Ooooh, good pull elephant.

11:27 AM, May 10, 2007  
Blogger ann_in_grace said...

I posted on the same subject here.

1:53 AM, May 11, 2007  
Blogger ThirstyDavid said...

Although I am now perfectly sanctified, I was once as worldly as anyone. Still, I didn't get the Ozzy reference.

I think we've blown the quota. Is there some kind of "population offset" I can buy?

5:47 PM, May 12, 2007  

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