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Hip and Thigh: Smiting Theological Philistines with a Great Slaughter. Judges 15:8

Friday, October 31, 2008

Halloween Memories

A Hip and Thigh Classic
(originally posted Nov. 2005)

My wife and I have been living in the same condo for five years since we were married. During the past four years on Halloween we have played the role of the stodgy, self-righteous, baptized in pickle juice, fundamentalist Christians who turn off the lights and bring in the welcome mat. We never thought about handing out a bunch of anti-Halloween Chick tracts, but our attitude made it clear to our neighbors that the Butler family didn't want anything to do with their pagan, devil worshippin' holiday.

This year, my wife and I decided we wanted to present more of an inviting atmosphere for Halloween, as well as reclaim October 31st as Reformation Day. We had been thinking of ways to be Christ-like to our neighbors and with the run up to Halloween, we thought rather than becoming recluses, we could at least have a light on and be ready with the candy.

Logistically, however, we did have a slight problem with our condo set up: our entire living area is on the second floor while our front door is on the first. That meant if we were going to hand out candy we would be running up and down the stairs everytime the door bell rang.

My wife was telling a neighbor of our dilemma and he suggested setting out a card table with a bowl of candy and placing a sign informing the trick-or-treaters to help themselves to one or two pieces. My wife wisely asked, "But don't you risk having a group of kids take it all?" "Oh no," replied our confident neighbor, "I did it last year and it was fine; besides, the parents are with them."

Right....

So, I carved a pumpkin with my boys (a jolly, happy face, not a sinister, evil face), and my wife made up a sign that read: Happy Reformation Day! Please help yourself to one or two pieces. We set up a small table out by the front door, put a candle in the pumpkin and sat out an assortment of miniature candy bars with the sign.

Maybe 10 minutes later I hear from up in our living room a boy yell out, "Ah man, lookit that!" followed by a chorus of squeals from other children. I looked out the window to see a heavy set mother passing out candy to four or five corpulent 11 year olds. I then hear them bicker back and forth about who was going to get which candy bar and then someone say, "just take another one." Finally, they go marching off with their plunder.

My suspicion was that they looted the entire bowl containing 3 bags of candy bars. Not wishing to doubt my fellow neighbors, but just to make sure, I went down to take a peak at the bowl. Guess What. It was entirely empty! I was stunned and appalled all at once. Do you mean to tell me the Largebottom family took every one of our candies!? Thus ended our Halloween.

At least the truths proclaimed by the Reformation were reaffirmed in a disgusting display of greed, gluttony, and pure selfishness. I got to experience in real life what the Reformers taught us about the nature of men.

7 Comments:

Blogger Frank Martens said...

I felt like the machine that you speak into and then spits out candy :)

Hah, I had one little one (whom I had already given candy to) standing there while three different groups of kids came up. I gave him one more peice and he was satisfied.

2:23 PM, November 01, 2005  
Blogger Nathan said...

Growing up, we kids used to make homemade gospel tracts, photocopy and fold them, and pass them out in substantially packed baggies of assorted candies.

Despite the goodies, we noticed a significant drop in trick-or-treaters over the years. Which was fine with us kids, since we got to eat the leftovers.

6:12 PM, November 01, 2005  
Blogger Peter D. Nelson said...

Well this year I used some stuff found on line that talked about martin Luther, justification and the 95 theses. Like NWC I placed them into stuffed ziplock bags and handed them out to the various children frequenting our place, about 16 total.

I have to say this though I'd never let it be out in a bowl by its lonesome.

11:39 PM, November 03, 2005  
Blogger Steve said...

Well it's obvious that they figured you made over $250,000 and could therefore afford to "spread the wealth."

7:19 AM, October 31, 2008  
Blogger Readmore said...

When you do that, the trick is to pick candy that no one likes...

8:11 AM, October 31, 2008  
Blogger Fred Butler said...

Yes, I think this year my wife is going to mix up a batch of honey glazed cauliflower florets.

9:12 AM, October 31, 2008  
Blogger Readmore said...

A couple of bags of butterscotch discs would also do the trick...

5:24 AM, November 01, 2008  

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